Life of a Contrarian

Recently I went through a time of discouragement that has led me to prayer and sole searching.  After publishing my first book, I received some criticism that was hard to hear.  I know as a writer that I should get used to hearing my work be critiqued.   I know that is part of being an author.  When you put your work out publicly, not everyone is going to receive it the same.  Not everyone thinks the same and not everyone will see it from your eyes.  Everyone has their own opinion about what you put on paper and I suppose they have every right to voice those opinion.

Taking my darkest secrets and greatest failures and exposing them to the world was the most difficult thing I have ever done.  It took three years for God to wrestle the details of my past out of me.  At times the raw pain kept me from continuing to write.  At times I wasn’t sure I could actually publish what I was writing.  But God… there was always that.  There was always God speaking to me.  But God… telling me He would be my strength.  But God…. telling me my story wasn’t just my own.  But God…. telling me to do what I was created for.  But God…. saying write the book.

Some of what is exposed in my book concerns a subject matter that is deeply unpopular in the christian community.  It concerns the subject of abortion.  A subject that carries such strong opinions.  It’s easy to say “I’m prolife” or “I’m prochoice”.  It’s easy to be black and white about the subject.  Its easy to see the subject as just that a subject.  But its not just a subject, its about lives.  Its about people.  Its about people and their lives.  It is not so black and white.  Its personal….like Jesus is.

My opinion about abortion probably pushes the norm in the christian community.  I believe it is sin but I also don’t look at it as the most horrifying sin every committed.  I have heard it called murder over and over.  Murder is done with malice, with hatred in your heart.  I doubt there is a woman out there that has aborted their own child with malice or hatred motivating their heart. In fact the heart of a woman making that decision is completely tortured.  So for me, I am pro-grace.  I am pro-forgiveness.  I am pro-new life in Jesus.  I just refuse to label myself with a label that only brings division instead of unity.

In Matthew 5:21-22, Jesus says “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court.  And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.” 

Jesus compares us having ugliness in our hearts towards someone as committing murder.  Having hatred and malice in the heart doesn’t even enter the picture when a woman is making the horrible decision of abortion.  Jesus looks at the heart of a person to judge there sin.  He deals with us on a heart level.  We too must do the same.

Like this view on abortion, I have often seen life differently than other people.  I don’t usually see life at face value.  I see it in many facets.  Throughout my life I have been called contrary.  Told my opinions were contrary.  And I let those descriptions of me tell me things about myself.  But no more!  Yesterday I watched a video series named “A contrarians guide to knowing God”.  What a blessing it was to know that God made me this way.  Sometimes we need to see things from another vantage point.   And God made me with that view.   So don’t hate me because I view things differently.  Instead, ask me why I think the way I do.  We both might just learn something new.