Is God Enough

The past few years a common thread has consumed my questioning. The common thread in my questioning is exactly what Satan tricked Eve with and tried to seduce Jesus with in the desert. Does God really have your best interest at heart? Is God really enough?

Not that I actually asked that specific question. When my son was diagnosed with a heart condition, I asked why is this happening. What did we do wrong? Then again as I have accompanied my husband to chemo treatment for cancer I asked, what am I supposed to be learning from this circumstance? As I have watched my mother get weaker and struggle to catch her breath from COPD, I have asked God why does it has to be this difficult. I prayed and then asked why won’t you do the miraculous and heal?

Through the past several year as I have spent my day’s care taking those in need, driving others to doctor appointments and watching those I love suffer. I have felt like there is no lesson to learn in all the hard places. Only heart ache while I watch them struggle.

Like Jacob in Genesis 32, I have been wrestling with God. Why this? Why make everyone need my help? Why now? Why show me I am enough to be all you have created me to be, give me a holy purpose to work in your kingdom and then take it all away? That’s truly how I felt. I began the pursuit of writing, learned I had something to say, only to have it silenced by the needs of others. I didn’t want to stop pursuing my quest to share and speak into the lives of other women.

So I wrestled with the whys I believe we all find ourselves asking God about. I spent most of my life wondering if I was enough, only to find out I was and then be shut down from pursuing my dreams. I was screaming why? Why tell me I am enough if you’re then not going to allow me to show others they too are enough?

There came a silent moment of despair. I was defeated. It was over. I wouldn’t be the writer who wrote words that met people in their needs. I wouldn’t be a speaker to women and give them hope to keep the fire for Jesus burning. I was enough but it just wasn’t going to happen. I didn’t want to try anymore. I was done.

That is when God could begin. I was done. He could be enough. He could be all again. That was the lesson. It’s the lesson he wants us all to get. He is always enough. Just Him, nothing else. Just God. If there is nothing else He will be enough.

Far too often we spend our time wanting Him and something else. Him and a career. Him and a spouse. Him and children. Him and financial freedom. Him and home ownership. Him and a business. Him and land ownership. Him and friendships. Him and a ministry. These are just the something else I have personally placed equally beside Him. What He really wants is us to desire just Him. Only then can he give us the other things as a blessing.